When it comes to learning languages, linguists normally have their heart set know a few to learn.
Normally, this is because there is something particular that the language has to offer, or that it will be useful in later life. But, not all languages are equal, some are useless languages that serve little to no purpose for the speaker.
I was recently talking with some translator friends of mine when we got around to how translators show off to non-translators.
After much back and forth, we came to one that most of us had done- use a language we didn’t know to impress someone- usually a girl they liked.
Most of the time, these languages were useless languages spoken by less than 10 million people in Africa, or a small pocket elsewhere in Europe. Or better still, they were so obscure, they had gone extinct centuries ago.
What are the 12 most useless languages?
12. Mandarin Chinese
Mandarin Chinese is considered to be one of the hardest languages to learn, yet it is the most spoken language in the world. But after learning it, you will be challenged to find a use for it anywhere outside of China.
A friend of mine learnt Mandarin Chinese as they ran their own business, but they never did business in Asia, and everything was done in English.
When he finally started to do business in Asia, everything was done in English, when he tried to use Mandarin, they asked him to use English.
11. Basque
Basque is considered to also be one of the hardest languages to learn, but is also relatively useless outside of the Basque region of France and Spain.
Under the Franco dictatorship in Spain, Basque was made illegal to speak in public, which caused it to become less spoken in the Basque country.
Unlike other European languages, there was not a major migration of the Basques from Europe to places in America.
This means that there aren’t many places where you can practice your Basque, even if you do end up winning.
10. Breton
Breton is a Celtic language spoken in Brittany (France) it is considered to be a useless language as it is not spoken anymore. It used to be the language of the common people in Brittany, but as of 2009, it is considered an extinct language by the UN.
Due to the widespread acceptances of French in everyday life in Brittany, Breton has been disregarded, especially by the younger generations. However, this trend of de-Bretonisation has happened since 1500.
9. Cornish
Cornish is much like Breton, it is an old Celtic language, and it has been dying for many years which makes it a rather useless language in the grand scheme of things.
Cornish was once the main language spoken by the vast majority of people in Cornwall up until the 1700’s.
Cornish was once declared extinct, with the last native Cornish speaker being Dorothy Pentreath. She died in 1777 and Cornish wasn’t really spoken again until the Celtic revivalist movement of the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
Now, there are between 3000-5000 conversational Cornish speakers throughout the world.
This makes Cornish a very useless language as most of them are dispersed throughout the world, but the main concentration is obviously in Cornwall.
8. Old High German
Old High German is one of the most useless languages, not only because it is dead, but because there is also a better way to speak the language. You’d be better off learning modern German rather than Old High German.
Old High German is well, old, as it says in its name. Old High German hasn’t been spoken in Germany since around 1200. This makes it a useless language as it doesn’t provide any value to the speaker.
Literally no one continues to speak Old High German, today, there are no conclusive records as to how many Old High German speakers there are. Nor are there even conclusive records of where and/or how you can learn Old High German.
7. Esperanto
Esperanto is considered to be one of the easiest languages to learn, yet it is a useless language. Esperanto was meant to be the uniting language of the world, yet it hasn’t taken off as L L Zamenhof had hoped it would.
Currently there are only around 2 million speakers of the language.
Unlike every other language on this list, there isn’t even a homeland where you can travel to in order to practice.
This means that all of the speakers are spread throughout the world, the former Pope, John Paul II was a speaker, as well as thousands throughout Europe, Asia, Oceania and the Americas.
6. Armenian
Armenian is a language that is spoken in Armenia, a tiny country in the Caucasus mountains. Armenian is a useless language because it is spoken by 6 million people, the vast majority of which still live in Armenia.
After the fall of the USSR, unlike other nationalities, there wasn’t a mass migration of Armenians from Armenia.
Armenia is also a useless language because it is relatively isolated, at least linguistically speaking. Most former USSR nations, share a lot of vocabulary with Russian, but this is not the case with Armenian.
Armenian is as linguistically similar to Russian, as say, Albanian is to English.
By this, Armenian is not related to Russian whatsoever.
5. Tajik
Most people probably haven’t even heard of Tajik, or the country it comes from, Tajikistan, let alone why and how it is a useless language to learn. Tajik is considered to be a useless language due to the same reasons as Armenian.
Although, it must be stated that Tajik does use the Cyrillic script as a direct result of the Russians. Tajik is pointless to learn it as it has very few speakers- only 8.4 million to be exact.
There’s only one real upside with learning Tajik is the fact that it is quite a beautiful language to learn. Tajik is also quite easy to learn for Persian speakers.
4. Swedish
Swedish may seem like quite a surprise on this list- after all, it’s an easy language to learn, and it European. In theory, Swedish should be a prime candidate for a language to learn, yet it is a useless language.
The reason Swedish is a useless language is mainly due to its isolation- Sweden never really had an empire like other European nations. Nor did Sweden have a mass migration to the new world or another region.
There are no large pockets of Swedish speakers dispersed across the world, which makes it so the only place to really practice Swedish is in Sweden.
Swedish also has very few speakers at only 10 million of them!
3. Japanese
Japanese is much like Mandarin Chinese, it is a beautiful language to learn, but is completely useless in the long run. Japanese businessmen understand the political importance of English, and the benefits of knowing it are incredibly well known.
My good friend knows Japanese, and he does quite a substantial amount of business in Japan, yet he never uses Japanese. Despite the fact he speaks fluent Japanese, and to a high standard, but he is Scottish, so business is performed in English.
Most Japanese TV and films can be found in English, the only main exception being Anime. This makes Japanese a rather useless language, unless you plan to live in Japan for many years.
2. Scots Gaelic
My Scottish friend too speaks Gaelic, as he is from Stornoway, other than Gaelic being spoken when he’s at home, he never uses it. Even in other parts of Scotland, English used more often.
I recently traveled to Glasgow and Edinburgh for a conference, even in the ‘shady’ areas of Glasgow, no one used Scots Gaelic.
I tried to find someone who spoke Scots Gaelic, out of roughly 400 people I asked, only 30 answered yes to “A bheil thu a ’bruidhinn Albannaich?” (Do you speak Scots Gaelic?)
When I asked them as to their level of fluency and how often they used it, most were less than fluent, and used Scots Gaelic rarely. Only one person was confident as to their fluency in Scots Gaelic, as he spoke it at home with his children and parents.
1. Osage
Osage is rather different to the other useless languages on our list. Osage is a Native American language spoken by the Osage tribe in the American Midwest.
Whilst those who live the United States, getting to practice a small amount of Osage may be possible (depending on where you live).
It is not really the fact that only Americans who live in one of four states can practice it, although that is a factor.
It is mainly the fact that there aren’t any native speakers of Osage. In 2009, there were only 20 Osage nation elders who spoke Osage, and they were second language speakers.
It is now reported that the Chief of the Osage nation is going to make Osage language immersion a top priority in the coming years.